FINALLY! Science Locates the Asshat Gene

"horspowr1001" (horspowr1001) 01/27/2015 at 21:15 • Filed to: bmw, asshat, carcrime

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We've finally done it. Humans have made the single greatest discovery in the history of our species, answering a question that has perplexed us all for decades: Why are BMW drivers such asshats?

If you ever guessed that there may be a genetic link, you were right! In fact, you probably could have helped our species come to this conclusion at least 5 days earlier if you would've said something at the time, you asshole.

Thanks to all the advances in genetic research for the last however many days it's been since genetic research started, we have reached our goal and uncovered the gene responsible for all the symptoms of chronic asshattery. The growing list includes lack of consideration to other drivers on the road, impairment of motor skills to operate turn signals, chronic psychophysiological addiction to cut you off, penis envy, and agoraphobic tendencies to fill any open space behind your rear bumper, use of entrance/exit ramps, or even use of the shoulder. Galway Daily News has more:

Scientists Confirm Link Between BMW Ownership And Being An Asshole

Posted by !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! On January 15, 2015 !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

Changing lanes at the last second, being in the wrong lane on every roundabout, and, failing to indicate every damn time. Is this what you think of when you think of a BMW driver? Not to mention their complete inability to display other emotions than smugness. Well fear not your blatant sweeping generalisations are true.

Scientists at the Dutch Institute of Science have discovered the key. The s02 gene, located deep in the anus, is responsible. After studying the genetic blueprints of over 400 BMW drivers the scientists discovered they shared this remarkable little gene.

'We have long theorised that BMW drivers are complete and utter assholes, but now at least we have the scientific data to back it up', stated researcher Smorg Van Baarg, who drives a Saab.

So no longer can we judge these drivers as simply being incredibly smug assholes but we must be patient with them for it is a genetic disease which one day we may be able to cure.

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Buick Mackane > horspowr1001 01/28/2015 at 02:30

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I now live near Los Angeles and I see plenty of these A**hat BMW drivers every day here in Southern California. The most common thing I encounter with BMW A**hats is they never want to show a little courtesy by giving another driver a chance to enter a roadway from a store or gas station and they just love to honk their horns to show how angry and important they are because you slowed them down for almost one second.

orcim > horspowr1001 01/28/2015 at 03:26

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I think BMW is the only other car manufacturer to offer the seatbelt-less option also. Due to the sphincter strength, BMW drivers can use special clothing (much like the split pants for kids in China)

and settle themselves into a driver's seat with a smaller trailer hitch in the middle. No muss, no fuss. When an accident is imminent, adrenaline flows into the system and the anus tightens, giving a secure car/human connection that can't be broken.